Facebook Status

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Funny jokes ! You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair. You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow. You mow your lawn and find a car. You can spit without opening your mouth. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight. You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Fail Selena Gomez

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 Funny Jokes ! Red Man sends you a Christmas card. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind". You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)

Fail

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Funny Jokes ! Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income. You fainted when you met Slim Whitman. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people". You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging. You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

Females Ideal Size For Men

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Funy Jokes ! Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it. In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite. Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack. You go to a tupperware party for a haircut. You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road". Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

Girlfriends Little Sister

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Funny Jokes ! You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home. You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time. You've ever been too drunk to fish. You've ever bought a used cap. You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures. You've ever used a weedeater indoors. Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run). You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

Girls I Am Not A Piece Of Meat

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 Funny Jokes ! You've ever shot a deer from inside your house. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!) You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom. You clean your nails with a stick. You prefer car keys to Q-tips. Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included. People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Have You Ever Been Busted Like This

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Funny Jokes ! Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding. Bikers back down from your momma. You were shooting pool when your kids were born. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos". You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow. You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.